


Secret Little Rendezvous

by seikou



Category: GOT7
Genre: Fluff, Homophobic Language, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Social Media AU, Twitter!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:04:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6375898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seikou/pseuds/seikou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's all fun and games until your favorite idol notices you."</p><p>(or: Im Jaebum is an Idol and Jackson Wang is a Fanboy.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Little Rendezvous

**jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

so when’s jb gonna date me?

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

hey, if that girl can score a date with jake austin then i can too right?

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

yes, i am ignoring the fact that we’re both guys

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

yes homo #bromo

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

can im jaebum go out with me @defsoul_jb

 

Jackson looks at all the tweets he’s sent for the past five minutes, snorting at how ridiculous he sounds. It’s just for show and fun, obviously. Well, part of it. It’s not his fault Im Jaebum is one fine and gorgeous specimen of a man. So sue him, okay?

He sighs and throws his phone on the coffee table, wincing a little at the sound it makes landing on the glass. His stomach growls and he contemplates on making himself some breakfast. Brunch, actually. He’s about to head to the kitchen when the sound of the keys reaches his ears and halts his movements. Jackson smiles before hollering like a hooligan on the loose.

“Markie-poo! Did you bring food for me?” He greets the older boy, lips formed into a wide smile.

Mark stares at him, unraveling his red scarf around his long neck. Belatedly, a shiver runs down his spine and Jackson rubs at his arms, the cold shocking his body. Mark brought cold air inside their apartment and that’s not cool (haha, get it? cool, cold. he’s punny). The door is left open as the other slowly takes his jacket off, hanging them as he ignores Jackson’s inquiry.

“Mark!” Jackson whines, feeling goosebumps appear on his arms. “Shut the fucking door. What are you? A viking? You’re letting the warmth out and wasting electricity. We’re not really millionaires, you know.”

The older rolls his eyes, amusement swimming in his gaze before shutting the door with a click and trapping the warm that Jackson has worked for the whole morning inside.

“Why the fuck are you wearing a muscle shirt in the middle of winter?” Mark asks instead, stepping further inside. He has a plastic bag on his hand and Jackson jumps from his perch on the couch, goosebumps forgotten in lieu of grabbing the bag from Mark and rummaging through it.

“Why not? My muscles need some air,” He replies off-handedly. A beam then paints his whole face as he takes out a paper bag with cheese bagels, shoving it on his face and inhaling like he’s just smelled something orgasmic.

“Gross,” Mark comments, shoving Jackson aside and plopping on the couch with a sigh.

Jackson joins him, chewing on a bagel as he looks at the other’s form. He cocks his head, bites on the bread, chew, then swallows.

“Long day?”

Mark hums, dropping his head on Jackson’s bare shoulder. “Yeah. Some weirdo ordered this complicated drink at work thinking that we’re Starbucks,” He sighs, sounding miserable.

Jackson can relate. He works at the same coffee shop as Mark but he’s got the late shift and Mark unfortunately has the morning shift which Jackson knows is draining. As sympathy, he pats Mark’s cheek with his hand holding the bagel, cooing a little which earned him a shove off the couch.

“Stop that,” Mark chides, shaking his head as he rubs his cheek with his sweater.

Jackson shrugs and continues to sit on the floor, eating the last bagel on the bag. He loves his cheese bagel, okay? And this is his breakfast and it’s actually one in the afternoon now. Go figure. He’s _starving_.

“What about your lazy ass? Did you skip your lecture again?”

“Me? Skipping?” Jackson replies, gasping in faux hurt. “When did I ever?” He dramatically lays a palm on his chest, looking offended like he hasn’t really skipped his lecture. Which he has and Mark knows it.

“Of course you did,” Another sigh escapes from Mark. “So what have you been doing the whole morning?”

At the question, Jackson lightens up like a fucking christmas tree and Mark suddenly looks he knows, he just _knows_ he asked the wrong (or right) question.

“JJYP is having a fansign! And JB posted a selfie. _Ohmygod_ , Mark. He looks so damn hot,” Jackson gushes, grabbing his phone and opening his instagram app before shoving the screen in front of Mark’s face.

A cross between an agonized and understanding sigh escapes past Mark’s lips as he grabs Jackson’s phone and glances at it quickly before giving it back.

“Okay,” Mark replies, nods; uninterested.

“Okay?! Why don’t you sound excited?! We finally have the time to meet them!” Jackson explains, hands moving wildly as he lists all the times their schedule ruined their chances to meet JJYP in real life. Which, well, too many times but Mark’s not counting. Apparently, Jackson is. Was.

“Okay, GaGa,” Mark repeats and switches the television on.

Jackson huffs on his place on the floor, just a little bit insulted at Mark’s nonchalant reply.

“Whatever. Don’t come crying to me when Jinyoung posts a cute selfie. I’m not fanboying with you.”

(Jinyoung does post a cute selfie and it’s not Mark who cries over it but Jackson. Figures.)

 

☆

 

Accidents happen all the time. Jaebum thinks this accident is headache inducing and definitely is on the list of the things he shouldn’t have done. Granted, he didn’t really mean to click on the button. There he was, scrolling down his twitter timeline and reading mentions of him while on a break. Thirty minutes break from practicing their new choreography and he’s in the middle of being amused at a guy claiming to want to date him ala Jake Austin. He snorts and promptly chokes on air when suddenly Youngjae barges in through the practice room door, yelling his name and Jaebum’s fingers just— _taps_ on the like button and he sees the heart flash through his screen and _oh fuck_.

"Hyung!" Youngjae plops down in front of him.

Jaebum throws a glare, mind reeling at what to do because any minute now, fans are going to find out and he still hasn’t unlike the tweet.

"What? We’re practicing," He replies, eyes turning back to his phone screen.

There’s silence as Jaebum stares at the highlighted heart in front of him. When the silence stretched too long, he glances at Youngjae and finds the younger chewing on his lower lip, guilt rolling off of him in waves. Jaebum blinks, tilts his head and waits.

Youngjae takes a deep shaky breath then says, "Coco peed on your Bart Simpson’s stuffed toy."

Jaebum processes the words, turns them over and over in his head, even tries to make them echo so he’s sure he heard Youngjae right. Then he purses his lips and he’s sure his jaw is clenched slightly that he looks just the right amount of mad.

"He peed on the stuffed toy. That’s it?" He knows there’s more because Youngjae is still tensed and he braces himself. Jesus Christ.

"And chewed on it." Translation: tore it to pieces that it’s unrecognizable by now. Jaebum inhales loudly. "I’m sorry, hyung! I’ll buy you a new one! I swear!" Youngjae pouts at him, making his eyes misty like he’s about to cry for forgiveness and Jaebum knows he’s acting. He does, so he squints his eyes at him, ready to scold the living shit out of the trainee. Then Yugyeom happens.

"Break’s over!" The youngest declares, clapping his hands merrily and smiling with his eyes forming into adorable crescents. Damn it.

Jaebum sighs, rubs his face roughly and shoos Youngjae away. "It’s fine. It’s fine."

It’s later on, when the sky has gotten dark and the cold is biting more than earlier that he grabs his phone and sees all the notifications from twitter. It’s not uncommon, no but then he remembers what he’s done earlier and curses himself, slumping against the wall.

Ten minutes later, he finds himself muffling his laughter behind his smelly snapback, reading tweets from this _Jacksoff_ guy. To say that the guy is hilarious is an understatement. That and he’s beyond attractive, blonde hair framing his face and sunny smile almost blinding. Jaebum finds himself clicking on the follow button.

He doesn’t contemplate on how it might affect him in the future. Sometimes, reckless living just calls to him. Awesome.

 

☆

 

“What the fuck?” Jackson whispers to the rim of his protein shake, eyes scanning the words on his phone’s screen. Did he somehow fail to bench press that hundred kilograms and the weights knocked him unconscious because this must be a dream. In hindsight, he doesn’t really dream of social media, let alone _Twitter_ but there’s always a first for everything because, again, _what the fuck?_

 

 **임재범** and 569 others liked your Tweet

Feb 16: can im jaebum go out with me @defsoul_jb

 

Just to make sure, Jackson slaps his face then looks at his phone once again and the notification is still there. JB _liked_ his tweet.

_Oh my god._

Im Jaebum liked his _tweet_.

What in the name of JB’s abs— jesus _christ_.

Jackson immediately scrolls down, seeing alot of mentions. Some wondering why their precious JB liked his tweet, some asking him who he is and some just gibberish capslock keyboard smash that Jackson doesn’t even try to decipher. He can’t even decipher what’s going on right now let alone understand other’s tweets. 

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

what is going on?!

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

does that mean jb wants to date the wild and sexy me?

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@defsoul_jb why the fuck you playin’ hmmmmmmygod, stop fuckin’ playin

 

Setting his phone down, he inhales deeply, trying to calm his heart. Jackson is a fanboy but he’s not delusional. He’s an adult who’s got his priorities straight. He’s an _athlete_ , for fuck’s sake. He represents his country in Fencing so he’s not really just a speck of dust in the world. He’s actually a big deal but damn if he doesn’t feel like screaming from the top of his lungs right now. Also maybe squeal. And flap around like a penguin or a seal. Or both.

A ping catches his attention as he’s gulping down the rest of his protein shake, feeling his muscles ache. That workout-session really drained the life out of him, and coupled with Im Jaebum’s attack, he feels like crawling out of the gym instead of strolling out like the badass that he truly is.

Snatching his phone, he unlocks the screen. What he sees almost gives him a heart attack at a tender age of twenty two.

 

 **임재범** followed you

 

Let it be said that Jackson really tried to calm _down_. He’s a rational human being who has a reputation - wild and sexy, yes - to uphold but that goes out the drain when he jumps off the locker room bench, startling some guys, and proceeds to scream like the fanboy that he pretends he isn’t.

“Oh my god!” He exclaims and plasters his face on his phone’s screen, ignoring the _bro, are you okay?_ from the other guys.

Another notification catches his eyes and it’s a message. He opens it and almost near fucking snapped his precious phone in two despite it being a smart phone.

 

 **임재범** @defsoul_jb

_wild and sexy, huh?_

 

Jackson inhales and holds his breath before replying, freaking out internally. His fingers shakes as he types, cursing when autocorrects fucks with some words and backspacing when he fucks up some words. This is seriously not good for his heart.

 

_anything wrong with being wild and sexy?_

_from your current selfie, you look more cute._

_cute? thanks?_

_you’re welcome~ :)_

_ohmygod. don’t use that. that looks creepy af_

_what looks creepy? this? :)_

_yes._

 

_:) :) :) :) :)_

 

If he isn’t so bewildered at their casual conversation, Jackson would’ve face palmed. This can’t be real. Im Jaebum, leader of JJY Project, Owner of the Sexiest Voice he’s ever heard, B-Boy King, and Jackson’s future husband, uses that creepy smiley face like he’s on fucking _Facebook_.

Jackson shakes his head and directs his attention once again to his phone, seeing another message from Jaebum.

 

_sorry, sorry. i’m just teasing you._

_it’s okay…._

_why are you messaging me…?_

_i mean!!! totally fine. message me all you want._

_i’m yours. i mean!_

_i’m curious…_

 

Jackson bites his lower lip, watching the animated dots indicating that JB is writing his reply. He slumps on the bench then stands up again, noticing the time. He really needs to get home and take a shower before Mark comes and drags him out for _overworking_. He doesn’t want to face Mark’s wrath again. Not when he’s really not over exercising. After that one incident months ago, Mark has been monitoring his gym time like some worried mother hen.

Exiting the gym, he waves goodbye at the receptionist with a huge smile and welcomes the cold air that hits his warm cheeks. He walks slowly, thinking of what just happened and what the vibration on his phone means, hoping that it’s JB’s reply and not another fangirl who’s trying to coax information out of him. He’s having a twitter conversation with his favorite idol and it’s so normal, so casual and Jackson doesn’t know what to think about it.

He’s actually never thought of it. Getting noticed by an idol, that is. He likes tweeting them, sending them random messages like lame pick-up lines or jokes that he knows will never get noticed. That’s his thing. There are literally seven billion people in the world and JJYP has a huge fandom and Jackson is just one fanboy in the midst of thousands. He’s not _special_. At least he thinks he’s not.

But apparently, he is because JB is talking to him right now and what kind of reality is this? He doesn’t know but he’ll bite. He’ll bite like it’s the juiciest steak that he’s ever bitten. For now, at least. Who knows? Maybe JB’s account has been hacked and he’s talking to some fangirl or something. He’ll have to ask later when he gets home and he’s not just fiddling his phone on his pocket, feeling the vibration of countless notifications from random fangirls and hopefully, JB himself.

 

☆

 

“Mark! Mark! Mark! Call 911!” Jackson exclaims as soon as he’s inside, closing the door behind him with a slam.

Mark turns to him with furrowed brows. “What? Why?”

“Because!” Jackson grins, lips stretched so wide it almost hurts. “Jaebum followed me on twitter!” He reveals and jumps around before landing beside Mark in all his sweaty and smelly glory.

“You’re delusional,” Mark replies, rolling his eyes and Jackson should’ve expected that reaction, yeah. Because he’s done this before, shouting impossible things at Mark. Mark never believes him and that’s fine but not _this_ time.

“Nu-uh. Look!” He shoves his phone in front of Mark’s face, twitter app opened into the notifications, showing Mark that it’s _real_ and _no_ , Jackson isn’t bluffing this time.

Mark pushes the phone away, crinkling his nose in disbelief. “Are you sure that’s not a parody account?”

Jackson shakes his head. “Nope! It’s legit his username! Come on, look, look!” He insists, whining and wrapping his smelly body around Mark’s freshly showered one.

“Get away from me! You smell like death,” The older scrunches his nose as he tries to shove Jackson off of him to no avail, the younger clinging tightly with his phone in front of them. “I looked already. Whatever. So? Why did he follow you?”

“I actually don’t know,” Jackson replies and pouts, blinking at the message notification. He’s been withholding himself from opening it, wanting to read JB’s reply in the security of his own room where he can giggle and flap his body all he wants. “He liked this tweet, see?” He shows Mark the tweet which earns him an amused snort. He ignores it. “And he followed me. Does that mean he wants to date me, Mark?”

Mark looks at Jackson like the other has grown another head. Jackson doesn’t blame him. He would too if he’s being honest. Which he is all the time, so.

“I don’t know, GaGa. You have to ask him,” He says then tilts his head. “Did you?”

Jackson shrugs, shaking his head. “Not really. I’m on it. But, shower first!”

Before Jackson actually enters the shower, he shouts to Mark _“If it was Jinyoung, you’d totally go nuts too!”_ in which the older replies with in an exasperated tone _“Shut the fuck up, Jackson.”_

 

☆

 

_why? hmmm, because you asked me to date you~?_

_or maybe i find you cute?_

_what was that again?_

_“yes homo #bromo”_

 

Under his duvet, Jackson finally reads Jaebum’s message. He reads the reply again and again, taking too long to comprehend what really is in his phone’s screen. Did Jaebum just—

 

 _i_ _did you just come out of the closet?_ to me?

__i_ what if I screenshot this? sell it to the media and shit_

_which I won’t! i promise v_v_

_i’m not that horrible._

_i’m actually super nice~_

 

He writes back, holding his breath. Does this mean Jaebum plays on his team? That he likes the D and the A not the V? Or maybe both? Or maybe he’s just joking. Jackson remembers that Jaebum is someone who jokes a lot despite his tough persona when performing. The idol likes to tease his members and even his fans. Jackson won’t be surprised if this is the case. He sighs and stares at his ceiling, deep in thought. He’s got a lot of questions and the only person that can answer them is the one who’s taking too long to reply.

When he gets bored of tracing invisible shapes on the ceiling, he scrolls down his twitter notification timeline, reading the mentions from countless of people he doesn’t know. Some of them already has his life to a T; his fencing, his university, even his best friend’s (Mark) twitter, and he honestly don’t know how to feel about this. Is this some episode of CIA: Seoul where fangirls try to decipher the meaning of their _oppa_ ’s sudden crazy behavior? Perhaps. Jackson wonders about Jaebum’s actions too.

 

 **bambam** @bambam01

@wildnsexy852 hyung, ohmygod! you’re finally getting the d!

 

Reading Bambam’s tweet to him, Jackson barks out a laugh. He muffles his voice against the duvet and composes a reply to the other.

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@bambam1a why am i getting the d and not the ass, you lil shit?

 **  
bambam** @bambam01

@wildnsexy852 uhm, because u’ve been fantasizing about his dick for a century?

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@bambam1a fair enough

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@bambam1a but just to be clear i want his ass too bc damn they fine 

 

Their conversation gets retweeted and liked and replied and Jackson gets rude messages from JJYP’s fans that got him rolling his eyes in amusement. As if he hasn’t heard them before. He has and he’s not _immune_ but he isn’t that sensitive either (not anymore) so he ignores them. Instead, he waits for Jaebum’s reply which comes in the middle of his quest to redecorate his Neko Atsume home. He closes the cat app and opens twitter, holding his breath once again like the first time.

 

_sorry. went to shower_

 

Jaebum replies and Jackson’s fingers hover on the keyboard, ready to tap out a _send nudes_   or some classic fuckboy move. He stops though, when he sees the gray dots from JB, worrying his lower lip as he waits for the words to reach him.

 

_oh shit. i forgot._

_haha. i’m kidding._

_I trust you to not screenshot this, fencer prodigy of hong kong._

_your name’s Jacksoff?_

_what kind of parents would nametheir son after masturbating?_

 

When the reply reaches him, he frowns at it for a while because Jaebum hasn’t answered his questions and now he’s left with wondering if what he wrote earlier is a joke or not. He wrinkles his nose, pulling his blanket up to cover his shoulders. Then the rest of the reply catches up to him and he almost chokes on his saliva. He hasn’t actually— thought of that. Holy Shit.

 

_wow. i feel honored._

_Im Jaebum trusting a commoner like me. sniffs_

_HOYMGOD SHUT UP_

_hOW DARE U MOCK MY NAME_

_and it’s jacksON_

_i was being funny_

_i am fucking funny ok_

 

_a cute commoner, might i add._

_oh...._

_Jackson. well, that’s better._

_Jackson._

 

Jackson. Jackson. He grips his phone tightly and he can’t help but muffle a scream against his pillow because imagining Jaebum saying his name is just so— He screams on his pillow again and hopes for Mark to not wake up and throw him out of their apartment. That would be unsightly. Especially when he’s only wearing his boxers and will most probably freeze to death. Not today, Satan. Jaebum just called him _cute_ for fuck’s sake. He’s not dying anytime soon. Jackson’s pretty sure he gained like ten more years of life because of that.

Bashing his face against the pillow and willing the blush still decorating his face to _go away_ , he presses his fingers to reply, lips still stretched into a giddy grin.

_Im Jaebum, leader of JJYP, are you flirting with me?_

_yeeeah~ Jackson Wang. you better remember that (◡‿◡✿)_

 

_am I that obvious? damn._

_no, seriously._

_why are you still awake, Jackson?_

 

 _too obvious. I know you can’t resist_ _my wild and sexy charm~_

_no one could._

_i’m talking to you, sleep is for the weak_

 

And that’s how Jackson falls asleep; exchanging tweet messages with Jaebum back and forth, muffling his laugh at the sassy replies that matches his own and he can’t fathom how this happened but he’s so fucking happy it did. He greets dreamland with an unread message from the idol.

 

_Goodnight, Jackson :)_

 

☆

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

y’all. what the fuck. stop tweeting me irrelevant things. i’m only here for jb

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

and the rest of JJYP, obviously! fighting!

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

who’s going to the fansign? @marktuan09 @bambam1a

 

“Stop jumping around,” Mark says, side-eyeing Jackson who’s bouncing on his feet as they walk to the fansign, Bambam licking on a lollipop beside him.

Jackson stops for a moment and faces Mark. “I can’t! I’m so excited!” He squeals, not the least bit fazed with Mark’s retort of _‘idiot’_. “Don’t tell me you’re not excited to see your beloved Junior in real life,” He teases, poking Mark on his side, earning him a scowl as a blush rises on the elder’s pale cheeks.

Bambam laughs, poking at Mark’s cheeks fondly. “Hyung, you’re excited too aren’t you? Did you eat today? Drink a glass of juice? Vodka?”

The scowl on Mark’s face deepens as he rolls his eyes. Jackson swears if Mark does it like two more times, his eyes are going to get stuck on the back of his head, leaving him with an eye-less best friend. That would be hilarious. And horrible, at the same time.

“Shut up, you two. We’re almost there. See?” Head full of brown hair nods on the direction where the line is long enough that Jackson’s lips forms into a pout because he’s been hoping to see JJYP earlier than later. Obviously, that plan is shredded into pieces with how many girls and a few boys are standing in line, waiting for the fansign to start.

“That’s one long line,” Bambam comments, a whine melting into his deep voice. Kid’s voice has been getting deeper as days pass by. Puberty, man.

Jackson snorts and purses his lips as they settle in the line, far behind the first one’s.

“Thank you, captain obvious,” He says, looking around. He notices some of the people looking at him with curiosity, some eyes appraising and some eyes judging. Furrowing his brows, he turns to his friends. “Why are they looking at us?”

Bambam barks out an amused laugh. Jackson sends him a glare. “Hyung, you’re not really that subtle on twitter, you know.”

“So?”

It’s Mark who replies this time, voice patient like he’s explaning to a kid. “JB following you made you _twitter famous_ or whatever. Now you’re a celebrity! Enjoy the attention, GaGa,” The older pats Jackson’s cheeks affectionately but his eyes and smile is teasing. What a best friend.

Jackson blinks, finally understanding. “Oh,” He whispers, wrinkling his nose. “Oh. Okay. Let them look but no touching.”

Shaking his head and ignoring the eye-rolls accompanied by amused smile on his friends’ faces, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and quickly shoots a message to Jaebum on KKT.

 

_outside the fansign venue and people are staring o_o_

_should i show them your nudes?_

**jaebum, my love ♥︎**

_let them stare._

_you can but nothing they haven’t seen before~_

 

The reply comes twenty minutes later when Jackson’s chattering to Bambam about this teammate of his who has the hots for the younger boy. He’s in the middle of laughing at Bambam’s reply of: “Only Yugyeom can handle this.” when his phone vibrates and he jolts, fishing the device from his pockets.

“Oh~ Is that your boyfriend, Im Jaebum?” Bambam says loudly, making the people around them snap their heads on their direction faster than they can say JB.

Jackson sputters, cheeks reddening, and shakes his head. “No! It’s from—” He pauses, biting on his lower lip. “It’s mom. Asking about easter vacation.”

Mark looks at him with a cocked eyebrow, knowing there’s no such thing as him having any plans on easter vacation. The older stays quiet anyways. His best friend is an angel.

Bambam eyes him, still in the mood to tease the shit out of Jackson. “Whatever you say, hyung~ Tell him to tell Yugyeom his soulmate is here,” The younger winks with a flirtatious smile and Jackson swears some girls behind him swooned at the sight. He ignores them and Bambam’s comment, reading Jaebum’s reply again.

 

 

_but what if they pounce on the sexy me?_

_you won’t have any pure body to come home to, you know._

_hey! the media has your nudes?_

_OhMYGOD WHEREEE_

j **aebum, my love ♥︎**

_they won’t. i’m here. why would they_ _settle for you? tsktsk._

_you’re a dork, you know that right._

_on in five._

_come get my autograph~_

 

_rude!_

_can you write your autograph on my ass???_

_tramp stamp. JB stamp._

 

They’ve been like this for a while now. One month, in fact. One month of exchanging messages through twitter then kakao talk because _What if your twitter get hacked, bboy king?_ Jackson doesn’t really know what they’re doing; save for always teasing each other, slipping innuendos in innocent conversations and dropping little facts about themselves. It’s like they’ve known each other personally for two decades instead of one month. It’s comfortable and Jackson feels happy about it.

He gets to know Jaebum outside his stage persona; not the leader but the boy behind JB and boy, is Jackson more smitten than before. He’s literally always vibrating when he’s talking to the older guy and Mark has to steal his phone from him so he can write his overdue Linguistics essay. Needless to say, he finishes the essay in record time, success backed-up by copious amount of green tea and rice on chicken soup.

Now he’s minutes away from meeting Jaebum in real life and he chews on his lower lip at the thought. He’s entertained the idea of face to face meeting with the idol, yes but he’s never taken action until _now_ and he’s so nervous he almost drops his phone to the ground as he’s shoving it in his pocket.

Mark grips his wrist lightly and smiles. “Relax, GaGa. You’ll do good,” He says, tone comforting.

Bambam chirps as he drapes himself on Jackson’s back, “Yeah, hyung! You’re finally meeting your online boyfriend! I’m happy for you.”

Jackson grumbles, breathes in the cold air and shoves the younger off him. He takes his phone out again - like the most social person that he is - to compare rare cats with Bambam as they wait in line instead of focusing on his heart beating against his chest loud enough that Satan possibly can hear it down from hell.

Waiting requires patience and patience Jackson _lacks_. He moves around so much; talking to his friends, playing with his phone, looking around, and sighing in well— impatience. However, when the line finally shortens and he’s next in line to greet Yugyeom first, he turns to Mark with wide eyes, breath caught in his throat.

“What if he doesn’t like the real me?” He whispers, fiddling with his JJYP album.

Mark comforts him with a tilt of his head and a small smile. “Well, show him the not-real you. Show him J-Flawless.”

At the reply, Jackson hisses at Mark, ready to bite the older’s head for the nickname. That’s the past, okay. Before he can tease Mark about his “Little” nickname though, he’s pushed front and he’s heading to Yugyeom and he’s not ready for this.

 _He’s not_ but—

But when he faces the youngest of the group, Yugyeom, his grin falls just slightly, fingers trembling as he slides the album towards the guy. And when Jinyoung greets him with a soft smile, he bites his lower lip and flicks his eyes to the side because _Jaebum_ is just there— right in front of him and he’s suddenly out of breath, lungs collapsing inside him.

Jackson forgets everyone, including Mark who’s beside him and talking to Junior. He swallows in anticipation as his feet shuffles and he’s standing in front of Im Jaebum. _Goodbye world, you’ve been good to me_ , he thinks as his eyes burn a hole on Jaebum’s face and finally, _finally_ after a century or two - and in reality, two seconds, the idol meets his eyes and wow, Jackson almost shakes. He’s doesn't and it’s only because he refuses to look like an idiot in front of his favorite idol. Not today either, Satan.

“Hi,” He breathes and blinks quickly, eyes almost watering in the effort to do so.

Jaebum is staring at him with this small smile on his face and he’s reaching forward with his hand and Jackson’s breath hitches when their fingers graze each other. The album in his hand disappears and is suddenly in front of Jaebum.

“Hello,” Jaebum says, peering at Jackson. “Finally.”

Jackson shakes himself out of his daze and beams at the idol. Gone was the shy and nervous Jackson, replaced by vibrant and nervous Jackson which is worse than the former. His insides are thrumming and his head is a jumble of JB, moles, breathe, breathe, _breathe_ for fuck’s sake, Jackson.

“Yeah. Finally,” Jackson repeats. Because he gets it. Finally they’re here like some two long lost lovers meeting for the first time or the modern gay version of Rome and Juliet.

“Why so quiet, hm?” Jaebum asks, sounding amused.

Jackson rolls his eyes, the best impersonation of Mark he’s done yet in his opinion, and snatches the album from Jaebum after he’s done with it, making sure their hands touch for a moment longer than necessary because why not. He’s needy, okay. Sue him. Again.

“I’m startruck by your face, isn’t that obvious?” He replies, sarcasm bleeding into his words. “I’m just trying to contain my puke, I mean swoon, and shit since you’re so—” His hands gestures at Jaebum like that’s an obvious answer. To him, it is.

Jaebum, for his part, laughs out loud like Jackson’s the funniest person ever. He is not. In fact, he’s far from fucking funny. Sometimes he is but most of the time he’s just savage which people finds hilarious. Go figure. But hearing Jaebum’s loud guffawing, looking like a dinosaur with his head thrown back and face lit with glee, Jackson’s stomach tingles and his chest burns with warmth. He loves that sound, and he’s glad he’s the reason for that sound.

“Right.” Jaebum grins at him. “Nice finally meeting you, _Jackson_.”

It’s only for a few moments, not even more than five minutes but Jackson thinks it’s one of the best moments of his life. Meeting Jaebum, that is. Face to face and hearing his voice _live_ , in person, and not through speakers or earphones or any device that lessens the quality of his angelic vocals.

He’s still in a daze even after leaving the idol’s vision, consequently losing his vision of the idol too. They’re outside now. Mark and Bambam are talking to some fangirls who looks like they’re ready to make a fansite dedicated to them too. Well, Bambam is and Mark stands there, smiling charmingly. Jackson? Jackson grins at the words written inside his album with Jaebum’s messy autograph.

 

_Can’t sign your ass publicly. Maybe privately~?_

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

so what does this mean #signmyassprivately

 

☆

 

_congrats on your win!!!! ♥︎_

_thanks~_

 

After meeting face to face, the both of them moved on to texting instead of KKT and Twitter. Jackson finds this the most comfortable and easier since he doesn’t have to have his data turn on all the time. He’s not really into that Straight Outta Data kind of life which he tells Jaebum and here they are, exchanging texts like they’ve been bffs for decades.

 

_are you free tomorrow?_

 

_aside from a gym sesh, i’m free as a bird. why, why?_

 

_let’s meet._

 

Jackson cries in agony when his phone falls on his face, making a dull but painful thud against his forehead and nose. He sits up abruptly, rubbing at his face and glares at his phone laying on his bed. He curses at it. But more than that, he opens his and Jaebum’s conversation immediately, wanting to confirm if what he read a while ago is real or not.

 

It is. And there’s another message.

 

_let’s meet right now._

_i feel like midnight snacking._

 

Jackson looks at the time on his phone. It’s 00:15 meaning it’s late as fuck and why’s Jaebum asking him for midnight snacks? Why not early breakfast? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner date, perhaps? Why now when he’s so damn sleepy he’ll probably fall asleep on his feet? However, all questions aside, the thought of meeting Jaebum in the middle of the night and going on some midnight errand— date— whatever like they’re teenagers on the run or lovers on the hide makes Jackson feel giddy.

It sounds exciting and he will never pass up hanging-out with Jaebum _for the fucking first time ever_. God must love him. Seriously.

 

_i’m game! i want something w cheese_

_where should we meet???_

 

The exhaustion bearing him down disappears in a storm of huge hoodie, tight pants, smelly socks, a brief comb of his hair and one of his snapbacks. He’s pulling on his shoes when his phone vibrates on his pocket. He ignores it in lieu of putting his shoes on properly and opens the door. Keeping his movements as quiet as possible, he makes sure to lock after himself less he gets a shoe smelling of dead rat thrown at his face, courtesy by his beloved best friend.

He steps outside as he reads Jaebum’s reply, nodding at the place. Just outside the JYP building, not that far actually. Half an hour walk if he’s feeling lazy.

Jackson uses the time he has alone breathing in the cold air and basking in the silence of the dark night. Seoul is a big city and it reminds him of Hong Kong but it’s also an unfamiliar one that Jackson wants to explore more. He would really, if he isn’t so lazy and has priorities like watching three seasons of a tv show in one night. Aside from that, Seoul is peaceful at night. Just a few cars zooming past him and lesser people walking; most of them swaying drunkenly and slurring words to each other. Total gibberish.

He avoids a man almost bumping into him, hearing curses as they bump into a street lamp and Jackson hides his laughter by biting on his lower lip. He ends up snorting anyways, his pace picking up as the buildings pass by him, excited at the prospect of meeting Jaebum privately. In real life. Jackson scrunches his face in a way that a group of girls looks at him weirdly as he passes by them. Ugly face then.

The walk to the meeting place is short and he entertains himself those few minutes with how he’s going to greet Jaebum. Can he jump on the idol’s arms and koala hugs him? Can he maybe stay there for the rest of the night? Kiss him? Yeah, okay. Not that far but the first one sounds tempting. He should do that. He will.

Jackson grins to himself as he nears the place, nodding to the song stuck in his head. He doesn’t hear the rustle to his right as he passes by a large garbage can that seriously smells like the sole of Mark’s shoes. Horrid. He’s wrinkling his nose at this thought when someone grabs his wrist and pulls him on the side of the smelly container, a (manly) shriek escaping his mouth in the process and he’s blubbering shit, heart on his throat.

“Ohmygod! I’m poor. I swear to fucking god, I don’t have money! Well, maybe some but you can have it. Shit, I’m going to die without seeing Jaebum’s dick and having Mark as a best man. Oh Lord Almighty. Oh Satan. Zeus ma—”

“Shut up, Jackson.” A familiar voice hisses against his ear.

Jackson shuts the fuck up in record time. He blinks then focuses his sight and turns to Jaebum with wide eyes.

“What the fuck?” He says instead of what he planned earlier. Like jumping on Jaebum’s arms and all that romantic shebang.

Jaebum has a snapback on just like him and a mouth mask. He’s dressed in black clothes from head to toes. Jackson would tease him but he looks good and he has to shake his head to clear his mind of any wandering thoughts.

The idol narrows his eyes at Jackson’s loud voice. “Quiet! Don’t want to get caught by the sasaengs.”

Oh. “Oh.” Jackson repeats loudly then nods. “Oh, I see. Famous JB being followed.” He laughs, amused by this because well, this still feels like a dream and seriously, Jackson has never even dreamt of something similar to this. Maybe a couple of wet dreams but other than that, nah.

Jaebum rolls his eyes. “Yeah, haha. If we’re caught we can’t go eat that cheese burger you want.”

Jackson gasps dramatically, voice low as he pouts and says, “You’re horrible. I’m  sacrificing my diet for you and you throw this shit at me. I’m done with you, sorry. This relationship is not working.”

“What relationship?” Jaebum counters, voice teasing. “Still dreaming aren’t you? What an adorable little sunshine.”

“How dare you?! I’m not dreaming nor am I little!” He retorts, wiggling his eyebrows. “Not my fault you’re living in de nile river.”

“Right,” Jaebum replies, rolling his eyes. “Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

Jackson huffs then pulls his face in a pained expression. “Can we go now before I start decomposing along with these trash because let me tell you, I ain’t about that garbage life.”

Jaebum laughs, making him grin wide before pulling him to the direction of an open 24 hour fast food restaurant. He doesn’t say anything about Jaebum’s hand still holding onto his wrist tightly but softly, like he doesn’t want Jackson to go anywhere else but with him. He doesn’t say anything about how it feels so right walking beside Jaebum like they’ve been doing this for years and not for the first time. He doesn’t say anything about how they tip-toe secretly when they see someone glance at Jaebum. Or how they talk in hush whispers and giggle like teenagers.

He doesn’t say anything but he does wonder. Jackson wonders in between their 007 Walk (as he calls it because he feels like a spy okay and James Bond is great) and when they’re seated in a secluded booth at the back of the restaurant. He wonders what he’s getting into and if it’s all worth it in the end.

Probably.

“Oh god,” Jackson moans, eyes slipping close. “Where have you been all my life,” He says to the cheeseburger with extra cheese because hell yeah.

He glances at Jaebum who’s chewing on his own burger, looking at him with dark eyes that makes Jackson look away and clear his throat.

“What?” He asks when he finally gathers the courage to look at the idol again.

Jaebum chews and smiles tight-lipped, humming. He comments after swallowing, “Don’t you eat this stuff all the time? College experience and all.”

“Ha, as if. I may not be an idol but I’ve gotta keep my figure, you know,” Jackson explains. “Doesn’t want to disappoint the admirers,” He winks at Jaebum playfully. “But seriously, my coach forbids me shitty food. Bad for stamina and shit. Fencing isn’t really a walk in the park so.”

They eat like pigs, fingers greasy with oil and ketchup and mustard and dressing. They’re unhealthy as fuck and Jackson will hate himself later for it but it’s worth every damn minute he’s poisoning his body with toxic food.

Burgers are eaten quickly, french fries shoved on their mouths like savages (and at some point in Jackson’s nostrils which— well, blame all that salt and oil) and they laugh at each other, with each other. It’s been a while since Jackson has felt this free and that’s odd because he’s always _free_. His middle name is _Freedom_ , capital F and all but with Jaebum he feels more than comfortable. More himself, less thinking of the consequences and more acting and being literal nuisance.

And Jaebum doesn’t judge him. In fact, he urges Jackson to do shit like drawing a dick on the window with ketchup or carving a JB + JW on the underside of the table. Jaebum doesn’t look at him like what he’s saying is weird or that he’s talking too deep like the next Socrates. And Jaebum laughs loud, slapping his hands on his thighs because he genuinely thinks Jackson is funny. He doesn’t roll his eyes like Mark does or snort like Bambam when Jackson makes a hilarious (in his opinion) pun, he guffaws and Jackson’s sitting there, beaming and preening at the attention.

He likes Jaebum, the normal 22 year old boy and not the idol, so much. When they part at almost three in the morning, he pouts and looks at Jaebum with puppy eyes. He sees him glance at his lips then up to meet his gaze and shakes his head with that small but soft smile of his.

“We’ll do midnight snacks again.”

Jackson brightens, “And ruined my diet again?” He scoffs. “Fuck yeah.”

Jaebum squeezes his wrist before he goes the other way and Jaebum the opposite. He skips all the way home, smile plastered on his face and misses all his lectures the next day because he overslept like he normally does.

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

midnight snacks are great! #cheeseburgerftw

 **  
임재범** liked your Tweet

 

 

☆

 

Honesty is the best policy. Jaebum knows this but he’s an idol and in this industry, honesty will get you nowhere. People has to be cunning, ready to sacrifice everything, put their lives on the line and bear no hesitation on spilling their own blood because this is what they choose to do. This is their passion.

So when Jaebum meets Jackson, he feels like he’s thrown in a new world. Jackson is a whirlwind of loud laughter that pierces his ears in such a good way, he wants to make it his ringtone (he doesn’t. he _can’t_ ). Jackson takes his hands without hesitation, careless of who might snap a picture of them holding hands like that (he doesn’t pull away. never pulls away). And Jackson is a breath of fresh air that warms Jaebum’s insides like how the sun beats at him on a hot summer day, making him wish that he’s not too busy to bask in it’s natural spotlight.

"Why are you smiling?"

Jaebum snaps his head to Jinyoung then to the empty recording studio. He clears his throat, locks his phone and shrugs nonchalantly, "Nothing."

Jinyoung eyes him, gaze curious. "Is it that Jackson guy?"

His breath catches on it’s way in. Jinyoung considers him with a sharp gaze and he holds that breath until he’s almost suffocating, considering on  _actually_ suffocating, before he lets it out in a loud whoosh.

Shifting in his seat, he jerks his head in a quick nod, "Yeah."

"Are you dating?"

Jaebum thanks all the Gods up there that he’s delayed in his movements when Jinyoung asked the question. If he wasn’t, he’d be coughing lemon and honey water by now. Instead he’s sputtering and flinging saliva on Jinyoung’s disgusted face. Serves him right.

"What the fuck?" He coughs out, rubbing at the corner of his lips. "Why would you think that?"

The younger actually has the decency to look surprised like this is news to him. This is news to Jaebum. _He_ should be the one looking surprised and not Jinyoung.

"Huh," Jinyoung mumbles. "I was so sure you two are dating since you go out in the middle of the night all the time."

Apparently, his little secret midnight rendezvous with Jackson isn’t a secret like he thought. What else does his members know?

"We’re not," He says after a beat of hesitation. "We’re friends."

They’re friends and even though Jaebum is starting to feel like they can be more than friends, he’s not too sold on bringing Jackson in this world of dishonesty and media that shuns away anything that is unfamiliar to them. Like, say, a guy liking a guy. It’s okay to have a show like Flower Boy Romance to showcase how close idol friends are but coming out as gay? Might as well dig your own grave.

Jaebum sighs at his thoughts , feeling Jinyoung’s piercing gaze on him. He looks at his best friend, eyes questioning.

Jinyoung sighs, smiles and says, "I like him. Keep him." He leaves after that, looking for Yugyeom so they can start recording his part.

And Jaebum sips on his warm lemon and honey water, thinking that if he could, he would keep Jackson close to him all the time. As friends or anything that suits them.

 

☆

 

Jackson doesn’t hear from Jaebum for a while and he doesn’t think about it because he knows what the idol is up to. His twitter timeline lets him know of that and the occasional texts are enough to last him the days he doesn’t talk to Jaebum properly. And anyways, they’re _just_ friends. So, Jackson doesn’t dwell a lot about their non-existent relationship, shoving all the ship names he’s created when bored in class (JackBum one of them. Fucking cute) and instead focuses on grammar and Future Perfect Progressive.

“I would have been sleeping,” He mutters as he narrows his eyes at the screen projector like it offends him on a great level. Perhaps.

He’s about to tick a few reasons of why exactly the projector does offend him when his phone, laying face down, buzzes beside his notebook. The phone buzzes again, vibrating against the wooden table top and he snatches it, looking at his seat mate and smiling before directing his attention to the mobile.

Unlocking the device, he almost drops it when Jaebum’s name flashes on the screen. Two messages, it says. His heart picks up and he contains his grin spreading wide on his face. No need to alert Professor Grammar-Nazi that he’s not paying attention to the lecture.

Grades are important but Jaebum is importanter, or something in those lines.

 

_hey._

_what’re you up to today?_

 

_hello, im jaebum. glad you remember this peasant._

_i have practice + gym and i need to check my sched actually._

_why?_

 

 _since when did you upgrade from_ _jacking-off guy to peasant?_

_just wondering if you’re up to hanging out with the group?_

 

_let it go, let it gooooo damnit_

_what???? r u srs????_

_let me check quickly!!!_

_i think i can sneak you in after my 6:30 staring into the abyss and 7pm wallowing in self pity!_

_i’m game, dude. so game. give me all that game ;)))_

 

_will never let it go, elsa_

_did you just quote the grinch lol_

_yeah okay. i think you’ve used all that winking face quota_

_come to the dorms after youre done wallowing or something_

 

_fuck._

_will never miss it for the world, babe!_

_see you x0x0_

 

_laters, jacksoff._

 

 

So Jackson’s day has gotten exponentially better. Good. The best. Like that rainbow bagel he keeps seeing on the internet that he wants to badly try. Yes, like that best. He feels like he can fight a huge bear right now or climb Mount Everest naked. His mood is that happy.

When the lecture ends, he goes through the rest of his day with a spring on his step. Mark eyes him curiously at lunch but says nothing so obviously, he just shares because he’s a great best friend.

“I’m hanging out with JJYP later,” Jackson watches Mark’s reaction. It doesn’t change, save for a slight raise of his trimmed brow.

“Okay.”

“That’s it? No shocked gasp? Wow. I’m disappointed.”

“When will you be back?” Mark adds and shoves friend rice down his throat.

Jackson squints his eyes, watching a guy almost stumble on a crack. He shrugs, “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

Mark sighs, putting his chopsticks down, “Funny. Your treat your grades the same.”

“Shut up. My grades are stellar. I am stellar,” Jackson flourishes before shoving more rice in his mouth. Carbs are life.

 

 

When seven strikes, he arrives outside the address sent to him by Jaebum. He’s looking up at the building, hands fumbling with his phone as he waits for the idol to reply to his text of, _I’m here. Outside. Come get me ;)_ A few minutes pass by after he sends a winking face again just because and Jaebum emerges from inside the apartment building. Jackson grins and bounds towards him then remembering what he didn’t get to do at their first meeting, he jumps at Jaebum and clings like a koala.

“What the fu—,” Jaebum shrieks, stumbling and falling on his ass with Jackson on top.

Jackson laughs more, sitting up and looking down at Jaebum. He beams, “You’re weak as fuck.”

Jaebum furrows his brows then scowls at him. “You’re heavy as fuck. Get off me, you oversized baby.”

“At least I’m a good looking oversized baby.”

“Who dared to lie on your face?”

“Fuck you, dude.”

“Maybe later. Come on,” Jaebum replies without a pause and leads Jackson inside the building.

JJYP’s dorm looks the same as it’s shown on their show JJYP-ing. Big ass living room, clothes thrown in a corner and small rooms that Jackson catches a glimpse of. Just as messy. Jackson doesn’t blame them, Mark’s and his apartment dorm looks the same when Mark is too lazy to clean and Jackson rarely cleans so— Kanye shrug.

“What a mess,” Jackson comments when they enter the living room.

Jaebum shrugs and heads to the kitchen, leaving Jackson in front of Junior, Yugyeom and a guy he doesn’t know who smiles at him brightly. Jackson squints.

“Hi!” The guy exclaims and jumps off the couch, startling Yugyeom and making him lose at Mario Kart. “You’re Jackson, right? That twitter fencer guy who caught Jaebum hyung’s attention,” Jackson nods. “I’m Youngjae!”

Youngjae skips to him and thrusts a hand out to shake. Jackson blinks at him because aside from himself, he hasn’t met anyone who’s as hyper as him. This is interesting, he thinks as he shakes Youngjae’s hand and beams at him just as widely as the other is grinning.

“Nice to meet you. Are you some secret member of JJYP?”

Youngjae shakes his head, “I wish but I was too late so I’m still in training. Jaebum-hyung takes care of me.”

“You mean you steal our food and hog my bed,” Jaebum says as he enters the room again, a bowl of popcorn and cans of soda on his hands.

Jackson laughs at their banter because it reminds him of his brother. He feels a brief nostalgia and decides to call his brother later when he gets home.

“I don’t hear you complaining,” Youngjae huffs, grabs the bowl of popcorn and a can of cola then plops himself beside Yugyeom once again, jostling the younger and making him lose for the second time. Yugyeom shrieks a _Stop it! Why are you like this?_ Jackson chuckles at their interaction before he turns his attention to Jaebum who’s looking at him with that gentle smile painted on his handsome face and Jackson can’t help but make a face. Jaebum does the same in retaliation.

“Okay, so what’s going on?” Jackson asks as he munches on popcorn that he stole from Youngjae.

Jaebum shrugs, “Games. Playing. Relaxing. We’re leaving for Japan tomorrow.”

Jackson nods but he still doesn’t understand why he’s here when the group can spend quality time with each other. Jackson isn’t complaining though. He very much likes being here, beside Jaebum and watching Jinyoung slay Yugyeom in Mario Kart a couple times with Youngjae throwing popcorns at their head or stealing the controller from Yugyeom. Poor kid.

Still, he asks, “Why am I here then? Don’t you have to wake up early tomorrow? Pack, maybe?”

There’s a long pause with Jaebum just staring straight ahead, the television and the other’s banters background to their conversation.

“I just wanted to hang-out with you before leaving,” Jaebum finally answers, clearing his throat after and looking away. Jackson’s lips twitches into a smile when he sees red climb up Jaebum’s high cheekbones.

“Aw. I know you’ll miss me but there’s skype,” Jackson teases, nudging Jaebum with his shoulder. “We can have like skype se—”

“Session. Right. Good,” Jaebum cuts him off, fully knowing what he’s about to say and Jackson lets out a laugh, catching the other’s attention.

It’s actually nice hanging out with this group of idols. He should bring Mark next time, he decides then smiles at Junior before stealing the controller from him, challenging Youngjae to a game.

 

☆

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

oh! my! god! jjyp is having a twitter hangout! @marktuan09 @bambam1a

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@ god. thank you for cancelling my lecture. #blessed

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@martuan09 maaaark!!!! come sit with me!

 **  
marktuan** @marktuan09

@wildnsexy852 i’m literally in the next room, jackson

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@marktuan09 i need moral support! youre my best friend :(

 **  
marktuan** @martuan09

@wildnsexy852 ……… sigh

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@martuan09 love you ♥︎

 

Mark emerges from his room with a grunt, dressed in sweats and Jackson’s hoodie that he’s been looking for yesterday. He narrows his eyes at the older and shrugs in defeat when Mark only stares back at him, unfazed. He can never say no to Mark, just like how Mark can never say to him. They’re broe-mates or soul-broes. Something like that.

“You called, you’re highness,” Mark mutters, sinking on the space beside Jackson, iPad on his lap.

Jackson grins at him, “Yepp. Besides, I know you’re going to silently watch your twitter timeline and read Junior’s answers so why not do it together, right?”

Mark doesn’t deny what he says and instead swipes down his twitter timeline. “Yeah, whatever. I need coffee though.”

“We’re out,” Jackson informs him with a guilty smile. “I have organic green tea though which is very good for your skin and bones and lets you sleep like a baby at night. I’ll make you some!”

He doesn’t wait for Mark to say anything before he bolts to the kitchen, turns the kettle on and sets to make two mugs of green tea. He waits for the water to boil, leaning on the counter and thinks of something other than JJYP. He’s got a report paper to write that’s due in a week, another one due in two weeks and an oral presentation that he’s sure he’s going to ace. It’s English Literature, after all. Jackson’s confident with his english. Not so much with his Korean but he’s good enough.

When the water is done boiling, he pours some on two mugs; one saying _Best Bestfriend Ever_ and one with a _World’s Okayest Bestfriend_. He grabs them and heads to the living room in quick steps, setting the mugs on the table and sits beside Mark once again.

“Did it start already?!”

“Chill. Not yet.”

“Oh, okay. There’s your tea.”

Mark nods, throwing him a thankful smile. Jackson grabs his phone and opens his twitter app just in time for the slew of tweets to come barreling on his timeline. Talk about eager.

He breathes in quickly, glances at Mark who’s attention is on his iPad, looks at his phone then grins and composes his tweet.

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@JJYPOfficial can im jaebum date me already?????

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@JJYPOfficial jb, i love you!!!

 **  
bambam** @bambam1a

@wildnsexy852 hyung!!! you already asked that question before

 **  
jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@bambam1a i’m just making sure, my child

 **  
bambam** @bambam1a

@wildnsexy852 ????????? okay.

 

Actually, he’s just joking. With the amount of fans the group has, Jackson is sure no one’s going to notice his tweet. He instead settles and reads the group’s replies, laughing with Mark when an answer catches their attention. That’s why he’s surprised when suddenly, a notification appears on his timeline. He furrows his brows, sets his mug of tea in between his thighs and taps on the screen.

 

 **JJYP** @JJYPOfficial

thanks. - jb @wildnsexy852

 

Jackson laughs out loud after reading Jaebum’s reply. He should have expected that. The guy is known for replying to fans in such a rude but funny way.

“This rude shit,” Jackson tells Mark, showing the older the tweet.

Mark chuckles, nodding in agreement and continues to scroll down his timeline. Jackson knows Mark isn’t going to send anything. The guy is content in observing which Jackson underastands so he takes it into his own hands because he loves his best friend.

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

@JJYPOfficial can junior give a shoutout to @marktuan09 ???

 **  
JJYP** @JJYPOfficial

hi, mark !! i’m junior !! - jr @marktuan09 @wildnsexy852

 

When the notification reaches Mark, he turns to Jackson with a glare but there’s a small smile tugging on his lips and Jackson grins at him.

“There you go, boo,” Jackson says, feeling accomplished.

Later, when the hang-out ends and Jackson has wasted his precious time backtracking his timeline, he shoots Jaebum a message.

 

_you didnt reply to my question :(_

_fucking rude, defsoul_

 

_what question_

_oh, wait. that question. haha_

 

_rude._

 

_not._

 

☆

 

It happens suddenly. Like, Jackson isn’t even expecting it. Just a little.

They’re playing games in JJYP’s dorm in one of those days that the group doesn’t have any schedule and they don’t have any shows coming up so they opt for lazing around instead of practing. Jackson is there often enough that no one bats an eyelash or even surprised when they hear his hyena-like laugh.

So they’re playing games; him and Jaebum while Yugyeom and Jinyoung is out buying more snacks and hopefully, a healthy dinner. He’s just about to beat Jaebum, lower lip trapped between his teeth in concentration when he feels hot breath against his ears.

“Can I kiss you?”

Jackson thanks god that he doesn’t bite his lip off in shock as he whips his head towards the culprit. Jaebum’s got his controller on his hands and his eyes focused on the game like he hasn’t said anything that rattles Jackson’s inside like the worst hurricane up to date.

“What did you say?” Jackson blinks, eyes huge, staring at Jaebum still.

Jaebum, after winning and slaying Jackson in the game (which means Jackson lost and what the fuck), turns to him with a small smile and a blush high on his cheekbones.

“What did I say?” Jaebum retorts, blinking back, face innocent.

Jackson is going to strangle him. Seriously. “Can I kiss you?” He answers.

The idol’s lips tugs into a smirk, expression filled with mirth. “Sure.”

Jackson sputters, face blooming into a fierce blush and he’s going to kill Jaebum. He really is. He should’ve expected this. What with them teasing each other all the time but damn it if he isn’t caught off guard, so out of his zone that he just— can’t.

“Im Jaebum, I’m going to kil—” He starts, eyes narrowing but soft lips connects with his and Jaebum is kissing him.

Jaebum is kissing him. Jackson lets out a surprised gasp, his eyes falling shut automatically. There’s no fireworks or sparkles or rainbow and unicorns like romantic dramas make first kisses out to be. Their first kiss is soft, slow, and lazy but in a way that leaves Jackson breathless. He loves this version more. There’s no hurry in the way they move and it’s intense, the kind that stabs at Jackson’s heart but he also feels like he’s floating in the clouds.

Jackson drops the controller on the floor and moves his hands to cup Jaebum’s face, lips still moving languidly with Jaebum’s own. They breathe in each other’s space and leaves little pecks as they pull away and rushes in again for more. Because he’s been waiting for this since forever; they’ve been dancing around this and it’s inevitable and now they’re here, holding each other, lips attached and Jackson feels so warm. So content and at home.

“What the fuck,” Comes from the doorway and the pair pulls apart quickly.

They turn their heads slowly, eyes widening as they take in Jinyoung and Yugyeom with two grocery bags on their hands.

“Hyung, I told you! Ha!” Yugyeom exclaims, breaking the tense silence, face morphing into a triumphant expression.

Jinyoung grumbles and kicks the younger on the ass on his way to the kitchen but not before calling out to the pair on the living room, “Please get a room next time.”

 

☆

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

and if you like having secret little rendezvous #musicrec

 

They don’t talk about the kiss in deep details.

It’s more like:

“What’s that about?”

“I’ve wanted to do that since you posted that instagram video.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

And they leave it at that.

What they do _do_ is kiss until their lungs demand for much needed air. They hold on to each other tightly like they want to crawl on each other’s insides and melt into one. They grab at each other’s clothes like they want to rip the pieces for being a hindrance. They do a lot of things but talk when they meet. It’s like they’re making up for the months that they’ve gone without touching each other this intimately and Jackson doesn’t even resist because he _wants_. So much.

“Jaebum,” Jackson gasps, tugging on Jaebum’s dark hair. “Please, please.”

Jaebum sucks a hickey on his neck where his friends would see and his coach would scold him about but he doesn’t care right now. His insides are burning and he’s filled with desire, brimming with it until it’s overflowing like a dam.

“Hmm,” Jaebum hums against his skin, his fingers gliding under Jackson’s shirt. “Please what?”

Jackson shakes his head because he doesn’t know. They’ve never gone past making out and heavy petting. He doesn’t know what’s okay and what’s not. So he shakes his head and looks at Jaebum, eyes pleading.

“I— don’t know but— please,” He replies, squirming on his bed. His gaze drifts off to the side of Jaebum’s profile in a short daze, seeing the rays of the sunset. The orange makes Jaebum’s hair look bloodred and when he moves, the light catches on his eyes and they’re a captivating golden brown. Jackson’s breath catches in his throat and he thinks _beautiful_.

“Okay,” Jaebum whispers in his ear and that snaps him from his momentary daze, lasting a mere few seconds. “Tell me if you want to stop.”

He wants to say _Yeah right. As if_ , but he doesn’t and instead puckers his lips, asking for the other to kiss him breathless. Jaebum leans down, capturing his lips in a soft kiss before he deepens it, tongue tracing Jackson’s lip. Jackson moans when Jaebum bites his lower lip and grips his legs, spreading them wide and settling in between them. He clutches at Jaebum’s shoulders when tongue invades his mouth, shooting sparks of _want need want_ down his spine and he can’t help but rut his hips against Jaebum’s own, feeling his hard cock inside his pants and earning him a muffled moan from the other.

Jackson smiles against Jaebum’s lips because that sound is better than any studio version or live song that JJYP has ever released. It’s his own personal song. His chest warms at the thought of it and his stomach clenches at the desire pooling inside him.

“Come on, come on,” Jackson urges, tugging on Jaebum’s hair harshly.

Jaebum hisses at him and grounds his hips against Jackson’s own, smirking at the loud groan that emits from the man under him. “Patience.”

 _Patience? Fuck patience._ Jackson thinks as his shirt rides up along with Jaebum’s fingers. He bucks against Jaebum’s hips when the other brushes his thumb around his nipple, rolling the nub and pinching it lightly. Jackson writhes on the dark sheets under him, cock throbbing in his boxers and leaking pre-come and _fuck_ , he’s so turned-on already. He can probably come just from Jaebum playing with his nipples.

Jaebum removes his fingers from the sensitive nubs, making Jackson whine. The sound gets caught on his throat when Jaebum pulls his sweatpants and boxers in one go then promptly grabs his cock in his calloused hand and starts pumping. Slow at first, thumb smearing pre-come on the head and spreading with his fingers, using it as lubrication to pump Jackson’s hard length.

Jackson throws his head back at the feeling of Jaebum’s hand on him, lips parting as he clenches his fingers on Jaebum’s shoulder. It feels so good and Jaebum’s palm is so warm it leaves his mind reeling. He thrusts his hips, fucking up on Jaebum’s hand and all he can do is utter nonsense. A lot of _please_ and Jaebum’s name and they meld into one in his haste to satisfy his desire.

“Jaebum, yes. Please. Ah—” Jackson feels hot, warmth coiling in the pit of his stomach as Jaebum continues to move his hands, fingers tightening on Jackson’s hard length. He blinks at the ceiling, trying to regain composure but the constant reminder that Jaebum is holding his cock and jacking him off leaves his mind in shambles.

Breathing in and swallowing audibly, loud in the darkness of the room, the only light the setting sun, Jackson props on his elbows and curls his toes on the sheets. He looks at Jaebum, eyes dark, half-lidded and blown with desire. The look the idol is giving him is enough to make him shiver and reach out to trail a hand up Jaebum’s jaw to his messy dark hair before he pulls him into a deep kiss, more teeth and tongue than lips and deep emotions.

"Fuck," Jackson grits against Jaebum’s lips when the fingers on his length leaves and he’s left wanting— more, more, more. "Why," He says, pulling from Jaebum and glaring.

Jaebum cocks his head to the side, sits up and rids himself of his own pants. Jackson watches it all, gaze sharp.

"Can’t have you getting all the fun," Jaebum says and settles on top of him once again. Jackson breathes out a sigh of relief and takes Jaebum’s cock in his hand, pumping slowly, watching Jaebum’s reaction with rapt attention.

"Agree," Jackson replies, short and plants a kiss on Jaebum’s jaw.

Jaebum's cock in his hand is hot and Jackson moves faster, wanting to pleasure Jaebum as much as the idol has pleasured him. He can feel his own cock against his stomach, just as hard as before but he ignores it and listens to the groan that Jaebum lets out. It’s deep, echoing in Jackson’s head and he can’t help but nip at Jaebum’s jaw, lapping at the skin with his tongue as his pace quickens.

"Jackson," Jaebum grabs his hand, halting his movements.

"Dude, I swear, how many times— "

"Shut up."

Jackson does shuts up but only because Jaebum’s lips is against his, kiss bruising, hurried and filled with a want that drives him wild. He returns to mapping the expanse of Jaebum’s back as he lays down on the bed, Jaebum stretching the length of his body on top of his.

When Jaebum’s hand meets his cock again, he groans and he bucks his hips when he feels Jaebum’s own cock against his own.

"Fuck, fuck."

"Yeah," Jaebum breathes against his lips, swollen from the kiss. He’s rutting up on Jaebum’s body and against the hand holding both of their cocks, pumping slowly and thumbing on the slit, catching pre-cum and spreading it on their lengths. The whine Jackson lets out is loud when Jaebum moves his hips, thrusting in a torturous way, cocks sliding together _so good_ Jackson has to clench his eyes tightly.

He can feel himself coming undone, nails digging on Jaebum’s shoulder. He tries to open his mouth and say something, like _jesus fuck I’m coming_ but all that comes out is a long drawn out moan. It’s so hot and sweat is covering his and Jaebum’s body. A drop from Jaebum’s temple falls on his cheek and he focuses on Jaebum’s face, eyes trained on the clenched jaw and the puffs of breath that comes out of the idol. Jaebum is picking his pace, hips and hands working together to take both of them higher, desire prickling in their skin and want coursing through their veins, pumping adrenaline to keep them grounded. Jackson smashes his lips with Jaebum’s parted one, eyes half-open and when Jaebum moves, grip on their cocks tightening, Jackson muffles his moan on Jaebum’s mouth, wet and hot and everything that he wants.

Jackson comes on Jaebum’s hand and cock, the other following after, biting Jackson’s lower lip enough to draw blood. Jackson winces but doesn’t pull away, basking on their shared release, huffing out breaths against each other’s damp skin.

"Fuck," Jackson hugs Jaebum’s body closer.

A chuckle escapes Jaebum, rough and short in their descent, "Yeah."

 

☆

 

It’s all fun and games until your idol notices you and you fall in love with them.

Jackson thinks it’s funny how he predicted this. How one night, he just laid there on his bed, on top of his duvet, dressed only in his boxers, and thought that one day he’ll just realize that he’s in too deep for Jaebum that he’ll find no exit at all. And right now, he is. He’s falling deeper than Mariana’s Trench and it’s both exhilarating and horrifying at the same time because he doesn’t know if Jaebum’s going to be there to catch him.

Not to mention Jaebum is an _idol_ and Jackson is a _fan_ and how dreamy is that? Yeah, very. Except that it’s not. Not in the media’s eyes, it won’t be. Not even the society will smile at them and nod in approval because they’re both guys and despite Jackson being open about his sexuality, Jaebum has not even mentioned anything about his. Not that it matters. Jackson couldn’t care less. Or that’s what he tells himself every time he meets Jaebum and he digs a wound on the inside of his cheek just to stop himself from blurting out words that will ruin this thing that they have.

What even is this thing?

This _thing_ , Jackson thinks as he sinks on Jaebum’s cock, breath hitching. His nails dug on the other’s chest, forming small crescents.

This _thing_ where Jackson can lean down and capture Jaebum’s soft lips in his as he rotates his hips against Jaebum’s own, feeling full from the inside out. He’s dizzy on desire, arousal obvious on the pre-come leaking from his cock that’s rubbing against their stomachs. The moans escaping from him is muffled by Jaebum, the other’s tongue devouring Jackson’s own and Jackson feels _owned_.

It is this _thing_ that he’s wondering about. But with how Jaebum drops kisses all over his face and murmurs encouraging but filthy words against his ears, a hand fisting and pumping Jackson’s cock, he can’t seem to think of this thing any more than love.

(No, scratch that. He thinks this is love. Too much love.)

The words escapes him after the heat of the moment, heart slowing down and body going pliant against the warm sheets plastered on his skin. He rolls his tongue inside his mouth, breathes through his nose, lets his eyelids slip close and thinks of how to articulate what he wants to say. He’s not a poet and most of the time, the words that comes out of his mouth are utter bullshit but this time, just this once; Jackson wants to say the right words. Because the answer from Jaebum will either make or break him. He hopes it’s the former and not the latter.

Fingers bunching up the dark sheets, he makes a noise, gaining Jaebum’s attention. They’ve been quiet for a while now, just basking on their shared release. Jackson's high is receding, grounding him to reality and now he’s in a frenzy again. This time, anxious and not knowing what the outcome will be puts a huge lump on his throat.

Heaving a deep breath, he smiles at Jaebum who's looking at him curiously, gaze soft and content. He hates to break the spell but—

“What are we?” He asks, voice no more than a whisper.

Jaebum’s expression morphs into surprise then a sort of blank that Jackson can't decipher. His heart stutters and his grip on the sheets tightens. He waits, the silence stretching; like thread that goes on, not knowing where it begins or ends.

Jackson swallows the anxiety crawling up his spine.

“What do you want us to be?” Jaebum retaliates in the same tone.

Jackson scrambles for a reply, biting on his lip. “Anything,” He says with finality.

Jaebum sighs and runs a hand down his face. He turns on his side completely and raises a hand to tangle with Jackson's own on the creased sheets.

“Then I say you become my everything,” Jaebum declares with a smile so lovely that Jackson stops breathing for a moment. It's breathtaking.

Jaebum is breathtaking and a popular idol and Jackson is nothing but a fencer who wishes to win gold once again. But Jaebum has chosen his untalented self and he's almost on the verge of crying because is this even real.

Instead of spilling tears, he entwines his fingers with Jaebum’s, shifts closer so their body is touching in every ways possible and says, “Does everything translate to boyfriend material?”

“Boyfriend material and more,” Jaebum replies and plants a kiss on Jackson's lips.

It's cheesy. They're fucking cheesy and this is the weirdest confession Jackson has ever seen or heard or experienced but it’s also so perfect. He still has all the doubts in the world because the two of them are worlds apart but when Jaebum tucks his face in the crook of Jackson’s neck and lets his lips linger on Jackson’s warm skin, Jackson thinks doubts are for later. He wants this moment to last longer; forever.

 

☆

 

Their relationship doesn’t really change. They’re still little shits to each other and Jackson still fanboys over JJYP which Jaebum teases him relentlessly about. Jaebum doesn’t say he’s proud and a little bashful every time Jackson pulls the fanboy act on him, gushing over his voice or his dance moves. Sometimes, the fencer even comes behind him, puts his hands on Jaebum’s shoulder and starts massaging then whispers in that deep voice of his, "You’ve got such broad shoulders, babe. I love it." Jaebum bites his tongue and wills the blush to disappear immediately less his members tease him again. They’re not exactly subtle about it.

What does change is the way they’re not hesitant in their touches anymore. The brief squeeze of hands before becomes complete intertwine of fingers gripping tightly together. The beat of hesitation when they’re together alone, wondering where to seat despite Jackson being a cuddly person turns to Jackson almost always climbing on Jaebum’s lap or hugging Jaebum’s waist from the back. The unsaid words, mouth opening and closing like fishes out of water becomes _Take care always, babe. I’ll see you soon. Stay with me._ and _Please don’t go_.

Jaebum knows what he’s doing is fucking dangerous, he can’t even comprehend the utter recklessness of it. His contract doesn’t forbid him from dating, no but he’s decided earlier in his career that dating will come later when he’s an established idol and not some clueless rookie. He doesn’t really feel like a rookie anymore, a noob compared to more popular idols because his group is rising, has been rising since they’ve debuted, and he doesn’t know when they’ll stop. He doesn’t want it to stop.

However, with Jackson bulldozing into his life and leaving him breathless all the time, Jaebum has to stop and take in everything around him. He has to look around and watch people come and go, observing their actions in a whole new level than before. He needs to be careful because he needs to protect the ball of sunshine that is his spastic boyfriend, Jackson Wang.

 

 **임재범** @defsoul_jb

It was lovely having you all today! Thank you very much!

 

The concert ends with a loud applause, the chanting of their fans following them backstage. It’s exhilarating, performing in front of thousands of people that supports them with all their hearts. Jaebum feels overwhelmed but also proud. He’s proud of how far they’ve come. He’s proud of the three of them.

Handing the mic to a staff, Jaebum heaves a breath, wiping sweat trailing down his face. He smiles in thanks at the person who hands him a bottle of water before downing the liquid in large gulps. Concerts are great but they’re draining. And although his bones are aching and exhaustion nags at the back of his mind, the adrenaline rush from performing hasn’t disappeared yet. He’s buzzing in his place against the wall, taking his time to calm himself before walking to the waiting room.

When he opens the door of the room, he’s ready to collapse or maybe ask Jinyoung to wrestle just so he can get rid of this leftover adrenaline clinging in his veins. What he doesn’t expect is a flash of maroon and black and blonde jumping on him and clinging like a koala, squeezing his body like he’s some wet cloth that needs some wrangling.

"What the fuck." He breathes out in a rush, hands coming to Jackson’s thighs and holding him against his body. His legs buckles slightly because Jackson is not the lightest person (Jackson's friend and Yugyeom enthusiast, Bambam, definitely is) but he regains his composure. Thank God for extra gym time. Jesus.

"Jaebum!" Jackson squeals against his ears.

Jaebum smiles though even when his eardrums rings from how loud Jackson is being. "Jackson," He replies and walks further into the room, dumping Jackson on the couch with a relieved sigh. "What are you doing here? How about your finals?"

Jackson beams at him, swimming in his oversized cardigan and shirt. He looks small. Cute.

"Done! I aced it. Of course I did," Jackson says proudly. "Enough about my horrid finals. You were so good there. Do you know that? I wish I could be here from the beginning but half-way through was enough. It was amazing. You’re amazing."

The dreamy way Jackson says the last words makes Jaebum smile at him fondly and reach out to ruffle his blonde hair. "Thank you, babe."

"What about us?" Jinyoung asks, straw in between his lips, sipping on iced coffee.

"Yeah! What about us, Jackson-hyung?" Yugyeom pouts and Jackson rushes to him, cooing at the youngest’s supposed _cuteness_. Jaebum doesn’t see it but okay.

Settling in the couch once occupied by Jackson, Jaebum leans his head back and closes his eyes, listening to Jackson’s voice telling Yugyeom that he’s the most adorable on the stage and _those legs_. Jaebum almost opens his eyes just to roll them. He doesn’t. He lets them fawn over each other and when Jackson is done pampering his Child, as he likes to call Yugyeom, he settles beside Jaebum and places a hand on the idol’s cooling cheek, still red from their performances.

"Tired?" Jackson asks, rubbing soothing circles on Jaebum’s skin.

Jaebum hums a reply and cracks an eye open to look at Jackson. He looks as tired as Jaebum and with the amount of texts and calls Jaebum has received this week from Jackson, varying from sobbing on his countless of notes and breaking down outside a coffee shop because they apparently don’t serve organic green tea, Jaebum knows Jackson is exhausted too.

"Aren’t you?"

A small smile tugs in the corners of Jackson’s lips. "Just a little," He sighs and seizes his movements on Jaebum’s cheeks. "I’m just thankful I’m done now so I can spend time with you."

It will never get old, how honest Jackson is with his feelings towards Jaebum. Even before they got together. Before they _met_. Jackson takes everyday in stride, living in the moment and actually enjoying it. Jaebum wishes he can but the future always comes knocking on his door, reminding him that he’s not as free as he thinks he is.

Jackson is his only freedom in this maze of an idol life.

The growling of his stomach breaks them from their trance. Jackson blinks and he blinks back before both of them doubles in laughter because way to ruin the moment.

"Wanna go do midnight snacks?" Jackson asks eagerly, standing up and covering his body completely with that huge cardigan of his.

"After performing for two hours relentlessly? Hell yeah," Jaebum agrees, heaving himself up. Then, remembering his members he turns to them. They’ve been so quiet that he almost forgets about them. "Hey, wanna go get something to eat?" Jinyoung grunts and shakes his head no while Yugyeom only mumbles something that sounds like _I wanna sleep. Bring some ramen_. "Okay. See you later. Make sure Youngjae is sleeping with Yugyeom tonight okay?"

Jinyoung nods as acknowledgement and waves them away without even looking up from his phone. What’s so damn interesting in his phone anyways? Jaebum wonders briefly.

"Let’s go," He drags Jackson out, fingers on his wrists.

They walk down the hallway side to side, shoulders brushing as Jackson tells him about the time he went camping and drank water from a river that ten cows has shit on. Jaebum actually side-eyes him in disbelief before bursting into laughter. He can imagine that. In fact, he believes it. Only Jackson would do that.

They reach a dark hallway, the lights sparse and the staff passing by them dwindling into none. Jackson’s fingers catches his and he turns to him, pausing in his step. His expression is soft, unguarded.

"I miss you," Jackson says, eyes wide.

Jaebum raises a hand and traces Jackson’s face, from his temple to his jaw. "I miss you too," He admits and he can’t help but lean closer, catching Jackson’s lips with his own. He can feel the smile that tugs on Jackson’s lips against his before Jackson puts pressure on the kiss, stealing Jaebum’s breath, leaving him wanting for more.

It’s a sacred moment, one that Jaebum wants to freeze for a lifetime or two and if air isn’t necessary, he would have stood there forever, kissing Jackson in that hallway. But there’s a faint light, flashing on his closed lids and he pulls away quickly, snapping his head to the side then to the opposite. The light on the end of the corridor is flickering, eerily and maybe it’s his imagination, maybe the spotlight still lingering behind his lids, and he hopes it is because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if it’s not.

"Something wrong?"

Jaebum shakes his head. "No," He replies. "Let’s get some pizza. Double cheese, yeah?"

 

☆

 

There’s chaos. Everything is in turmoil, like tornado trying to wreck havoc in Jackson’s peaceful life. He stands in the middle of it, hands trembling and heart thudding against his chest as terror engulfs his entire body. He can’t feel anything. Can’t hear anything against the rush of blood drumming in his ears and he can’t breathe. It’s suffocating. It’s mind-numbing.

 

_Im Jaebum (JB) of JJYP caught kissing international fencer Jackson Wang?_

 

The words screams at him, mocking him in this silent way that got him feeling like vomiting on the floor. Right then and there in the carpeted living room of his and Mark’s apartment. His eyes reads the words again and again and again that they’re imprinted on his mind, burned behind his eyelids, glued to his corneas. _Where the fuck did they go wrong?_

Jackson takes a deep breath and lets it out shakily, throat clogged up with emotion he can’t comprehend right now. He blinks at the television and an agonized sound escapes from his lips. Fuck.

“Jackson,” Mark stands up and lays a hand on Jackson’s arm, holding softly like he’s fragile.

Mark’s voice snaps Jackson out of his thoughts. He turns to his best friend, wide eyes scared and misting like he’s about to cry. Damn right he’s about to cry. His relationship is on the Television. What the fuck.

“Mark, I—”, He starts, choking on his words. “How did they— Jaebum. He’s going— Hate from—,” He can’t even form proper sentences, head flashing in red _Abort, Abort! You Fucked Up! Good Going!_ and he’s just so fucking terrified.

Mark stirs him towards the couch, pushing him to sit down and settles beside him. The older gathers Jackson on his arms, running soothing fingers up and down his spine as they watch the television. It’s still on the topic of him and Jaebum, like it’s a big fucking news that two guys are dating and so what if they’re somewhat popular? Doesn’t mean they can fucking broadcast their relationship on national television and have a fucking discussion about it.

Jackson seethes in fury, eyes turning to slits but he’s unable to lash out, encased in Mark’s arms. They’re not a Freak Show. His relationship isn’t a Problem that needs to be dissected and the media doesn’t have the rights to put that picture there; the one of them in Lotte World, holding hands while covered in their disguise. Jackson remembers that moment; brief, lasting only a few seconds, their fingers squeezing each other in reassurance. A quick moment is one of their downfall.

The picture that’s the source of the Controversy though, as they call it, is the one after JJYP’s concert. Jackson remembers that moment too vividly, the feeling of Jaebum’s lips on his still burned on his own. It’s been a week since then and this comes out. He doesn’t know how that even happened or why someone dared to take a picture knowing it’ll cost Jaebum his career or the entirety of JJYP’s career. It’s grainy, the picture, but it’s also clear that it’s them; Jackson and Jaebum, Jaebum and Jackson, lips locked together, expressions the faces of content. It looks intimate, heavily _private_ and fuck, who the hell dared to?

“We were careless,” Jackson finally says, gaze still trained on the television.

Mark’s hands stop running on his back, “No. You were just living,” His voice is soft but firm and Jackson pulls away, throwing him a look of disbelief like what Mark said is absurd.

“No, no. _I_ was careless,” Jackson laughs, the sound hollow, bitter. “Fuck. I can’t believe this is happening.”

Yeah, he can’t believe this is happening because this isn’t supposed to happen. They’ve been so careful in their quest to have a normal relationship that somehow, they got careless. No, scratch that. He got careless and dragged Jaebum with him. Jackson shouldn’t have gone to the concert. He should have stayed in his dorm drowning in his Literature notes.

Shit, Jaebum.

Jackson fumbles with his phone and hits Jaebum’s number, pressing the call button just a little too harshly. The ringing of the phone is nerve-wracking and he chews on his lower lip, feet tapping in impatience against the floor.

No one answers. Jaebum’s voicemail greets him and he feels dread run through his body. From the tip of his toe to the very last strand of his hair. There’s dread and nothing else.

He switches to messaging the idol instead, fingers tapping quickly like he’s running on time, chasing every second that passes.

 

_jaebum i don’t know what happened. have you seen the news_

_im so sorry_

_oh god. is jjyp okay. are you okay_

_im sorry_

 

Apologizing doesn’t mean a thing. Doesn’t mean shit in fact but they’re on the tip of his tongue, the forefront of his mind, the blood running through his veins. _I’m Sorry._

“I’m sorry,” He mumbles and Mark doesn’t say a thing.

Not an “it’s going to be okay” because it won’t. Not “it’s not your fault” because that’s a lie. Not a “you’ll be fine” because who knows.

Jackson clutches at Mark, ignoring the countless twitter notifications blowing up his phone. He ignores the television showing more pictures of evidence of his relationship like it’s a fucking crime. He ignores everything and he breathes slowly against Mark’s warm chest. Closing his eyes, he drifts off and nightmares greets him.

 

 

Darkness greets him when he opens his eyes again and he almost goes back to sleep, sighing in relief because what happened earlier is obviously a dream. Jackson has a vivid imagination after all and with that very vivid dreams that seems like reality. However, when his eyes are closed again, ready to go back to sleep, he jolts up because his phone is buzzing on the coffee table and he’s not in his bedroom. He’s still on the couch, covered with a thick blanket.

Earlier isn’t a dream. Reality is a nightmare.

His phone buzzes and he snatches it, thumbing to unlock the device. He sees Jaebum’s name on the screen, a few messages and two missed calls; one from hours ago, one from two minutes ago. Jackson’s heart thuds against his chest in staccato as he calls Jaebum back. It’s three in the morning and the idol is awake. Something is wrong.

(Everything is wrong.)

The call connects after a ring and he hears Jaebum’s breath on the line. His throat clogs up and he wheezes a breath, panic settling as he recounts why everything is goddamn _wrong_.

“Jackson,” Jaebum says, soft and breathy.

Jackson gulps a few times but it’s hard. His mouth is dry and his mind is trying to connect with his body. After a few inhales and exhales and a mental chiding of _get your shit together, Jackson!_ _Get your fucking shit together now_ , he finally replies;

“I’m sorry,” is what escapes his lips, feeling guilty for what happened, what’s going to happen, and what will likely happen. Guilt claws his insides and his grip on his phone is tight, grounding him to the conversation at hand. Talk now, self-loathing later.

Jaebum lets out a grunt and Jackson can practically hear his eyes rolling from behind the line.

“Sorry for what? It’s not your fault, Jackson,” Jaebum’s voice is sincere, not accusing.

Of course Jaebum would say that but Jackson knows better. He always knows better and despite selling himself as a cheerful idiot in front of others, he’s smart and he knows when he’s wrong and when he’s not. This is one of the times he perfectly knows he fucked up real bad.

“It’s not your fault,” Jaebum repeats through the line after a beat of silence.

Jackson’s still drowning and gasping for air, trying to surface from this nightmare. When will this end? But it’s just begun, hasn’t it?

“Are you okay?” He asks instead of replying to Jaebum’s words.

Jaebum is silent for a moment and he holds his breath. “Yeah,” Jackson detects the lie. “The management is working on the scandal. You don’t have to worry. It’s going to be fine,” Jaebum pauses then and the next words is spoken in brightly, tone light. “Although we can’t go for midnight snacks anymore. Sad, isn’t it?”

Jackson makes a sound, something in between a groan and a chuckle because he’s still so overwhelmed but hearing Jaebum’s voice is soothing his insides, like a balm to a wound. He doesn’t say what else is sad, the answer obvious; their relationship plastered in front of every household like the biggest gossip of the century. Maybe in South Korea but definitely not the world.

“Oh, thank god,” He breathes in, just as joking as Jaebum. “I finally get to fix my diet. All those junk food is ruining my figure.”

The chuckle that Jaebum lets out makes Jackson smile, small but still a smile because his anxiety has gone down and he’s not on the verge of a panic attack. He knows there’s still so many things they have to talk about. Things they have to fix; that _Jackson_ have to fix because Jaebum is taking the downfall, has a lot to lose than Jackson and that thought alone squeezes at his heart like a vice grip, beat stuttering in their place.

 

☆

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

i love you.

 

Everyday is an adventure, Jackson thinks while crumpling a note filled with derogatory words. He’s not sensitive but when _Faggot_ and _Gross, a homo_ and _Stop ruining JB-oppa’s life!_ keeps on showing up on his desk at Uni and even his locker when he goes to Fencing practice, he can’t help but swallow and bite his lip, preventing himself from breaking down.

Sometimes he snorts at the notes then rolls his eyes before throwing them away like they don’t affect him. Like they don’t stab his heart like a fucking arrow, target on fucking point. He ignores everything because ignorance is bliss but when news of Jaebum possibly leaving the group comes to his attention, he almost thrusts his Épée at the person telling the story.

He removes his mask and turns to the girl. “What did you say?”

She eyes him and rolls her eyes, stance condescending. “Jaebum-oppa is leaving JJYP. Didn’t you hear the news?” She tilts her head. “Didn’t he tell you since, you know, you’re the reason?”

Her voice grates on his nerves and Jackson grips his weapon tightly, gloves squeaking as his grip tightens. He narrows his eyes at the girl, Yoona— Yura— something, and turns, jaw clenching as his heart beats fast, faster, the fastest because Jaebum is _not fine._

Changing into his normal clothes, he thinks of all the times he’s avoided the television and news papers because fuck them. He doesn’t want the opinions of other people affect his life, especially his relationship. So he avoided them like a plague, turning the television and radio off every time he’s at home. He even goes as far as uninstalling all his social media applications on his phone so he doesn’t get any stray notification of what fucked up views other people has regarding his Forbidden Relationship with an Idol.

So, yes. This is news to him. Jaebum hasn’t told him about this last night, when they’re on the phone and exchanging breaths just to calm each other in the midst of this never-ending storm. Jaebum doesn’t mention anything except for a brief _It’s good. We’ve got it covered_ and even though Jackson doubts it, he forces himself to believe him. After all, he doesn’t really know what to do, save for surviving the onslaught of negative remarks he receives as days passes by.

Right now he’s seething and he’s hurting and his heart feels like bursting out of his chest. He almost bursts out crying when someone throws a balled up paper on him as he walks down the corridor to the exit but he doesn’t. He’s stronger than that. He’s got his family’s back and his friends’ and Jaebum. But only for a while now. A while—

Jackson keys in Jaebum’s number on his phone and hits call when he’s out in the open air. The phone rings three times before Jaebum is on the line, mumbling a groggy _Hello_ like he hasn’t used his voice for a while. Jackson bites his trembling lip.

"Hi," He greets, meek. "Can we meet right now?"

There’s silence then Jaebum answers, "Yeah. Just come to the dorm."

Jackson mutters an _Okay_ and he’s off, mind racing, feet moving fast. He’s chasing time. He’s running out of time.

The dorm is silent when Jackson steps in, met with Jaebum’s exhausted face, dark circles bruises under his eyes and his cheeks hollow. Jackson’s heart hurts. This is Jaebum, the guy he loves _so fucking much_ , and he can’t do anything but this.

This is the only thing he’s capable of.

"We should break up." Jackson blurts out after the door shuts with a click.

Jaebum stands in front of him, eyes widening and lips turning into a thin line. Jackson watches as Jaebum’s jaw clenches, the one that makes it look like it’s dislocated and he would’ve laughed but all he wants to do right now is bawl his eyes out and maybe hide from the world for a year or two

"Why," Jaebum’s voice is flat, blank with no emotions.

Jackson straightens his stance, thinking of fixing this. He needs to fix this. JJYP is Jaebum’s life and he’s sacrificed a fucking lot to gain this level of popularity. Performing is Jaebum’s passion. He belongs in the spotlight, on the stage in front of thousands of screaming fans and not with Jackson, the Fencer, who’s got nothing going on for him but amazing footwork and learning multiple languages with ease.

Jackson is nothing. Jaebum is everything.

"Because this is ridiculous," He replies. "Look at you! You look like you’ve dug yourself up from hell and beyond and look at me. I’m exhausted. Everyone is saying we’re wrong, you’re wrong, I’m wrong. There is nothing fucking right with us, obviously." He says with enough sass that he’s quite impressed, even in the middle of ruining the best thing that has happened to him. "We’re suffering, and you’re leaving the band? Are you mad? No pun intended. Still love the album but fuck, Jaebum, JJYP is your life. Why are you leaving?" The exasperation in his voice is prominent, his words ringing in the silent dorm.

The idol looks affronted, eyes narrowing into a glare that sends shivers down Jackson’s spine. With his unkempt look, Jaebum looks near murderous and Jackson has half a mind to bolt out but stands his ground. He needs to fix this.

" _I’m_ mad?" Jaebum seethes. "How can you ask me to break up with you when everything has blown over already and all I want is this to be over and be with you again. I’m not _leaving_. Fuck, who said I’m leaving? The media isn’t all negative, Jackson. It’s 2016. Some are unaccepting but I looked around and saw people supporting _us_. What’s the fucking point of breaking up anyway when they know we’re already fucking gay, huh?"

Jackson gapes at the enrage Jaebum, taking a step back and leaning on the door behind him. This is a lot to take in. Everything he’s going through is draining him and he feels faint, like not only his mind is giving up on him but also his body.

"I’m still not worth it, Jaebum." He whispers, looking up at the white ceiling.

It all comes to that, right? Jackson is not worth giving up anyone’s dream and yes, the whole South Korea might know now that Jaebum isn’t as straight as they think he is but he knows they can forgive the idol. Maybe pass it as marketing so then he can go on with his life rumor free; pain free and Jackson free. The thought hurts.

"Says who." Jaebum demands, voice still tight, body tense and ready to fight anyone who’s willing to fight him.

Jackson hesitates and groans, "Me."

"Then fuck you." Well— Jackson expected something in the lines of Jaebum agreeing because he’s pretty sure everyone knows he’s not worth shit. "Fuck you because I told you to be my everything and you tell me I invested on something worthless? Gave my heart and all to someone who stomps on their own self? I see you and I think of the fucking sun and I’m not even a morning person. I hear your voice and all I want to do is sit there and _listen_. Fuck, Jackson, I love you and all I want is for you to not give up. Yes, I’m tired. Haven’t been sleeping for days now because all I can think about is how people will treat you. I hope our fans isn’t throwing fucking eggs at you or dropping buckets full of toilet water. I can’t sleep because of you and you ask me to break up with you?" Jaebum heaves a long breath, face now inches away from Jackson’s own. "Say that again, I dare you. Like you mean it. Go on."

It’s a challenge that Jackson has no way of winning. He can feel it in his bones when his body quivers and his lips tremble as he listens to Jaebum’s rant— confession— whatever. He listens so attentively, his body freezing in place, and his lungs refusing to function because there’s too much emotion in Jaebum’s voice. The frustration, the disbelief, the hurt, the _love_ that he has for Jackson; they bleed through and claws at Jackson’s whole being until they wrap around him like a snake, venomous, killing his doubts on the inside and dunking him in a spiral of feelings that he doesn’t have any time to decipher. All he knows is Jaebum fucking loves him.

Jaebum fucking loves him; Jackson, fanboy extraordinaire, Fencer and English Literature Major. That information alone screams he’s not even on Jaebum’s level but Jaebum declares he is more than that. That he’s worth fighting the whole country over and shit, Jackson isn’t crying.

"I’m not crying," He says, sniffing.

Jaebum relaxes his tense shoulders and reaches out to wipe Jackson’s tears from his face. "What’s this then? Allergic to being confessed to?"

Jackson scoffs, shoving Jaebum’s hands away but then grabbing and clutching it on his tightly, almost bruising. "Yeah, allergy."

"Don’t you have something to say?"

"I do," So many things to say. Jackson has a lot to tell Jaebum but he settles for, "I love you too. Thank you and I’m sorry."

Jaebum looks at him, eyes mapping Jackson’s face before burying his face in the crook of Jackson’s neck and breathing in deeply. Jaebum’s warm breath fanning on his skin makes Jackson shiver.

"Don’t say sorry to me. Say sorry to yourself," Jaebum tells his neck. "You’re more than worth it, Jackson. I love you because you’re you. Cheerful and has the ability to make everyone feel good when you’re with them. Plus, you’re fucking smart. I can’t even speak two languages properly and here you are, working on your fifth one. Chill, babe." Jaebum finishes his tirade with a lingering kiss on Jackson’s collarbone.

Jackson smiles and hugs Jaebum tightly because he can and they’re not breaking up. So what if the media keeps on telling him they’re wrong? How can something that feels so right be wrong? Jackson puffs out a breath and closes his eyes, basking on Jaebum’s warmth.

"Thank you."

 

☆

 

 **jacksoff** @wildnsexy852

we’re gonna fly, fly #musicrec #jjyp

 **  
임재범** @defsoul_jb

@wildnsexy852 wanna fly with you in my arms.

 

After a storm, when the chaos subsides , the wind receding to only a breeze and the rain has poured its last drops, the calm engulfs every living thing. Celebrations are then planned and people opens their doors to every one that needs shelter. Jackson feels like that’s his life right now.

When Jaebum releases a statement in a form of a live interview on V-App, the internet almost breaks. Jackson watches on the side, biting on his nails. He watches as comments of all kinds are thrown at them but most especially Jaebum. The idol takes all with a smile, strained as it might be but he’s a professional and Jackson feels more respect towards him. Jackson would’ve punched the wall already or cry his heart out. Either way is bad, so—

He keeps to the side and when it’s his time to say something, he keeps his words simple. First in Korean, saying: " _Hi, I’m Jackson Wang, a Fencer, and I love Im Jaebum. Have a good day! Bye!"_  He translates the sentence in Chinese, Mandarin, Japanese, English, and even French because why not.

Safe to say, they get more hate than love but they stick to each other and JJYP doesn’t disband. In fact, they gain more fans internationally, supporting Jaebum and his decisions and the idol expresses his gratitude in a form of a selfie with a caption _Thank you everyone. I love you._ It’s one of those rare times when Jaebum isn’t being a rude little shit and his genuine feelings seeps out from the words and into the palms of the people receiving them.

"I don’t want to," Jackson groans, gluing himself on JJYP’s huge couch and clinging to Mark who’s looking at him with amusement dancing in his eyes. Traitor.

"Why not? Mark’s attending. And Bambam. Why not you too, hm?" Jaebum asks, pausing on ungluing Jackson’s body from the couch.

Jackson whines like a child and clings to Mark tighter. "I don’t want to. There are evil Jaebum stans there and they’re going to glare at me. Also, Mark is a traitor."

"It’s just a fan meeting, Jackson."

"A JJYP fan meeting with five hundred and five fans attending! Yes, I checked, shut up. I’m already hated because I ride your dick. I don’t wanna be hated for being treated with a VIP pass or something."

Mark chokes on his coffee that Youngjae handed him before Jackson’s rant then says, "To much information, bro. I didn’t need to hear that." The other occupants of the room voices their agreement and Jackson rolls his eyes. Not like they haven’t heard Jackson screaming Jaebum’s name on the top of his lungs but okay, whatever makes them sleep at night.

"It’s not a VIP pass. You’re my boyfriend and Mark and Bambam are our friends. It’s fine," Jaebum argues and when he lays a hand on the juncture of Jackson’s neck, soft and warm, Jackson can feel himself giving in. He hates it when Jaebum touches him. Ugh.

Sitting up, he glares at everyone, longer at Jaebum and Mark then groans, "Fuck. Fine. You better treat me with mac and cheese later."

So that’s how he finds himself on Jaebum’s back, clinging for life. JJYP is playing a game and somehow, they rope Jackson into it, their fans' shrieks deafening and murdering Jackson’s eardrums. He hides behind his green snapback and tries to move as little as possible as Jaebum holds his thighs securely.

There’s a feeling blooming in the pit of his stomach. Something akin to contentment and acceptance. Acceptance in that whatever is going to happen from now on, the both of them, Jaebum and Jackson, has lived through hell and has come back stronger. If the future decides to throw them more lemons, Jackson will make sure to take a shot of tequila or two. They might break one day but Jackson knows now that there is no point in worrying about that. Que sera, sera; whatever will be, will be, right?

When Jinyoung tells them to get ready, he leans forward and whispers to Jaebum before the idol takes off, laughing and letting himself go for the first time in a long while.

_"I’m your biggest fan I’ll follow you until you love me."_

**Author's Note:**

> hiii. this is my last work ever. lmfao the longest fic i've written and it's jackbum. i'm proud. lol Anyways, I hope y'all like it 'cause man, this was so exhausting to write. Took me so long but I wanted to write it and it's definitely worth it. Self-indulgence is my thing and Fanboy!Jackson is my life aye. If y'all see any mistakes, I apologize. I'm so banged up right now. Okay, okay. Also, happy birthday to my precious sunshine, ilu <3
> 
> any qs (i hope none????), head [here](http://wangthighz.tumblr.com) \+ [idol!au](http://wangthighz.tumblr.com/tagged/idol!au)


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